I had been taught, while growing up, that Proverbs 31 was a description of all the things a godly woman could do with God's help. The ways God would empower her to care for her family and help others. A sort of companion to "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13), but specifically for women.
So, I thought of this chapter as an encouraging one. Who wouldn't want to be encouraged to take care of their families and household, and be praised as being "worth far more than rubies" and so on?
Then, one day, my mother-in-law heard me mention I had friends who sold Thirty-One bags and totes, and asked why the company was called that, so I said, "Oh, you know, the Proverbs 31 woman -- it's named after her." And she sort of gasped and said, "Why would they name themselves after that chapter? You don't actually enjoy that chapter, do you?" I was like, "Um, yes, why not?" And she was all, "Oh, it's so terrible because no woman can ever live up to that ideal."
And I realized that there are women out there who see it as a chapter full of Law -- all about what they *have* to do -- and not in the light of the Gospel, as in, not about how God can do *for them.* And that made me sad. And curious. A few months later, Demystifying the Proverbs 31 Woman crossed my path, and I bought a copy because I thought, maybe I have it backward. Maybe it's a hard and terrible chapter.
If you also have felt like that chapter is condemning you for not living up to an ideal, then you should read this book. Because it will free you from that fear.
In this book, Elizabeth Ahlman first walks through the Proverb and shows how Proverbs 31:10-31 are an acrostic poem in the original Hebrew. She shows how the whole chapter connects to the first few chapters of Proverbs -- the first few chapters admonish a young man to avoid Dame Folly and seek out Lady Wisdom, and this one chapter again focuses on how to value a wise and godly woman, and how the language echoes the earlier chapters. This is not a portrait of a single human woman, but of Lady Wisdom, the personification of godly wisdom.
Then Ahlman shows how this portrait of a godly woman connects to a specific woman in the Bible: Ruth. She goes on to show how the verses are a portrait of the Church when it is acting according to God's will, of all Christians when they carry out their God-given vocations, and how they can also be a portrait of Jesus caring for his Church -- since he is Wisdom Incarnate.
As Ahlman puts it, "[t]he three ways of understanding this passage -- as a portrait of Lady Wisdom/Christ as Wisdom Incarnate, as a portrait of the Holy Church, and as a portrait of who we are in Christ -- all ultimately show us Jesus" (p. 158).
That sounds confusing, I expect, because I'm condensing down into a couple sentences what she spends a whole book explaining. I think you should just read it for yourself, because then you will understand.
I was especially impressed by how many sources Ahlman drew on. She wasn't just coming up with these ideas and insights on her own, but building upon theological writings from many, many others writing down through the ages.
I came away with a great appreciation for how complex Hebrew poetry can be, how connected different parts of the Bible truly are, and how loving and uplifting this chapter is. I underlined and scribbled in the margins all over the book, and I can't possibly share all my favorite parts here, but I'll share the bits I found the coolest, anyway.
Particularly Good Bits:
It can be tempting to look at this poem and see riches, wealth, and hardworking determination that we cannot possibly hope to match but must strive to match nonetheless. However, when we consider all that the woman is and does is in the context of God's grace and mercy, her life becomes less example to be copied and more reminder of who we are (p. 55-56).
To have the "fear of the Lord" is to work vigorously in one's vocation with the strength endowed by Yahweh as He works through you. It is to reach out a hand to the needy, "look well to the ways" of your household, proclaim Yahweh's mercy, impart His wisdom to others, and prosper (ultimately in the sense of salvation and eternal life with Yahweh (p. 81-82).
Throughout those [first] nine chapters [of Proverbs], Lady Wisdom is portrayed first as a young marriageable maiden and then as one who is preparing her household in order to be married. In 31:10-31, the woman completes the portrait of Lady Wisdom, depicting her now at home with those who love her and who have sought her and been sought by her. As a completion of that building portrait, she shows herself to be, in fact, Lady Wisdom (p. 159).
As a portrait of Jesus as Wisdom Incarnate, the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman offers us comfort, joy, and a reason to sing. Gone are the temptations to find a five-step program to being just like the Proverbs 31 woman. Gone are the thoughts of whether or not we are "good enough" or living up to who we should be as women of God. Gone, even, are the thoughts that the passage from Proverbs 31:10-31is uniquely a women's text. Rather than see in her a list of activities to live up to, or an example of how diligent and perfect and busy we should be, we see that this is our Savior diligently busy, active, and perfect for us (p. 160).
We need not view the actions and dispositions of the woman who fears Yahweh in Proverbs and the man who fears Yahweh in Psalm 112 as impossible tasks or qualities to live up to, but rather as pictures of who we are already in Jesus by virtue of our Baptism and the working of the Holy Spirit in us (p. 163).
If This was a Movie, I Would Rate It: PG. There's a little talk of preparing the marriage bed and keeping it holy and special, but nothing explicitly about sexual activity.
